I used ot think that a wedding was supposed to be a fun, joyful, exciting time of your life. When all the family got together, and danced, ate, sang, laughed, and had fun. Yea, maybe not so much.
Right now, I'm crying, and wanting to pull my hair out, and all I really want to do is talk to someone about it but I've lost my voice from crying.
I made the decision after calculating everything to just go with the Italian American Club. Its only a little bit more, and we wont have to worry about what to do with all the stuff after the wedding.
But it sucks. It really sucks doing this on my own. I want my mom to be there to walk me through it, to help me make these decisions, to help me pick and chose what to do, where to go, and how to make my hair. But I dont have that. I feel like I'm isolated, and alone.
I really want to sit back and just say, "Ok, now I can just worry about me." But I cant, because this isn't a cook out, or a family dinner , its a wedding and a reception. a WEDDING. So why doesnt it feel that way? Why does it feel like its a big pile of nothing??
Why do I sit here every single day crying my eyes out? Why do I sit here and wonder why the hell I'm on the outside looking in?
And its not just this wedding, its everything.
I feel like I'm not a part of this family anymore. I feel like I'm the unwanted child who is slowly being pushed away and disappearing into nothing.
No comments:
Post a Comment