September 14, 2011

Babies everywhere….

I will say the hardest part about being in a same sex relationship is the inability to create a child together. And the worst part is, as much as it hurts, damages, and wounds some couples, people will use it against them saying its God way of stopping us from creating children like us. Or they will say its because we are not supposed to be together.

Well, its just as hard when your with someone who is Transgendered – because no matter how much you love that person, no matter how many times you make love at midnight, or hold each other from dusk till dawn, there will never be a child created from that love. There will never be an “oops” to be surprised with.

Last August we tried to conceive a child because my body is getting to the point where pretty soon, it won’t be able to hold a baby, so its come down to a “now or never” time frame. But, no matter how much Andrew and I pray about it, no matter how much I beg for it, no matter how much we love each other, we can’t create that child on our own.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, however you want to look at it, I can’t go out and cheat on him with a biological man, I cant. But, fortunately, we have a friend, an amazing friend, who has been the backbone to this endeavor. And tomorrow, we will try again.

I shared this with a couple of people, and they were a little upset, or, discouraged – how could I bring a child into this relationship? How could I bring a child into this home? How could I bring a child into this family when I am dealing with so much emotionally.

But lets be honest. Andrew and I have lived together for the last, almost, 2 years. Had he been born with the right body parts, I would have already had a child with him.

In 2006 I placed my last born son up for adoption. I was promised e-mails, pictures, phone calls, and everything great, but the last two years has been hardly anything. Once visit in 2009, and two sets of 10-15 photos, and 1-2 emails. I have another son who lives with his father whom I hardly get to see.

People say my financial situation is going to make it hard, that its not right. But, I look at my sister and her boyfriend. They struggled, they really did. But you know what, they made it. I have put off for a year trying again, because I was so scared that financially we couldn’t do it. But we can do it, and we are hoping that tomorrow, God places a baby in me to grow this family.

Negative comments need not apply. Andrew and I love each other, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do to share a child with him; my last child. Because I cannot walk around with this empty feeling inside of me anymore.

Empty from Keaton, Empty still from Alex, empty from all the times we made love and nothing came of it.

I hope, and pray that my family and friends will be just as excited as we are if and when this pregnancy happens, because through the fights and bickering, Andrew and I were meant to be together, and we will be, forever.

He is my one true soul mate, and I am him. We fit together like no one else in this world. And we want nothing more then to get married and raise a child together. So for now, we will settle on the child J

And soon, some day soon, we will be able to get married and have it recognized. Because we love each other just as much as any other couple out there, and we want to have the family as well.

On a side note, we don’t want to name the person who is helping us with this, but he knows who he is, and he knows how special of a place he holds in our hearts. But for privacy reasons, we wont be sharing it until we know for sure I am able to get pregnant again, and until all three of us sit down and decide the best way to share it with our loved ones.

His mother is a great support in this, and Andrew and I couldn’t ask for a more amazing donor.

So, for now, we just ask for your prayers, because losing the baby last year was a terrible feeling, and it shattered us as a couple. This time, it is, and always will be in God’s hands, and I believe he will bless us with a little bundle of joy, but I pray that this time, my body holds on to that, and I am able to carry on until s/he is ready to come into this world.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for your prayers J

-Patty & Andrew