Ex's Drama pt.I

Here I sit, eating a big bowl of Mashed Potatoes – the instant kind. Well, any mashed potato lover knows that the4 instant kind are sticker than the normal kind. You can pretty much mold them into anything you want. I was reminded of this last night when my daughter started making little building blocks out of them; and the night before when she made a face using two kernels of corn for eyes, and gravy for brown hair.

Well, not that I have decided to give up meat, I was looking at the bowl and thought – “Hey, I could make a steak out of these bad boys… Shape it up, fry it like a pancake, and put some sautéed mushrooms and gravy over the top of it! Or, I could shape it like a chicken leg, and fry it until it was golden brown, like a French fry!

It got me thinking… are there people out there who view reality as mashed potatoes; do they feel they can shape and mold it into anything they want, and expect others to believe it? Are there people out there who shape and form these mashed potatoes so much, that even they have forgotten they are, in face, mashed potatoes?

Look at Tofu, and Vegetable protein – there are some products made from these items that are so convincing that even someone who is a pure carnivore could barely tell the difference, or simply comment, “Not enough seasoning.”

But those are the people who worry me. The ones who live a life filled with lies that they have convinced themselves of. Because then, when they realize that it was a lie, how do they fix it? Do they then need to back track the past how-ever-many-years and say sorry to everyone who was affected by it? Or can they just pick and choose? But then, what happens to the people who were affected by the others?

And how far is too far? How many lies are too many?

You see, the Buddhist part of me says, “There is never a last chance”. But my mind id saying “Take caution, don’t get hurt.”

I’d like to share an e-mail between an ex and I that happened after I got a friend request from her.

• 

  Yesterday

  Patricia Savol

  • Ok, what is it you need this time?
    
    You always come around when you need something, when something is going wrong, when someone walks out of your life, when you need me to be there, when you need my shoulder - then you up and leave like a storm and leave me a wreck.
    
    Im not interested.
    
    I tried being friends - but each time I do, you dismiss me like I've caused so many issues and drama for you.
    
    Im not going to let someone walk into my life, trample all over it, and then storm out when they are done using me up.
    
    Im a better person than that, and I deserve better friends than that, and I deserve to have people in my life who arent going to use me up and spit me out.

23 hours ago

Heather W

• I dont need absolutely anything at all. I am sorry for the things Ihave done and the way that I acted in the past. I was a completely different person then. I didn't even know myself then. I can't change the past. I have been going to church and last sermon Dan was preaching about being a fullback and how sometimes people don't get the credit for things they did or do without credit, like the months you spent trying to make me want to be sober and not take pills for pleasure, or drink like I would never get another drop. I had so many issues Patty, and I want to thank you for trying what you thought was the best to get me sober. Truth be told I had to want to be sober before I could get there. About 3 months ago my mom figured everything out, on Mother's Day in fact and told me that I had no other option either get clean or find another house to live. That was my rock bottom. Trish & I have been clean since that day. I can drink sociablly, I can take ym medication, as prescribed, I feel like a real human being again. Whether you choose to be my friend or this is sumply just a thank you email for the thousands of miles you walked because you loved me and wanted a better me, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You went to extemes to try to help me better myself, and for that I own you a thousand thank you's. I hope that eventually we can rekindle our friendship, and I can be an active part of Kat's life, because I honestly, love that lil girl with all I have. I have her picture hangin in our living room. I am not saying we are gonna be bff's, if we are then great, if not then thats fine too. I jsut want you to know that I fully appreciate all you did and have done for me over the past 3 years I have known you. You wll forever hold a huge spot in my heart...I am truly sorry for hurting you, and I promise I will never ententually do that again...
  
  Heather
  
  
  • 

    3 hours ago

    Patricia Savol

    • While I appreciate your apology and your Thanks.... I have to admit that I have heard all these things before.
  • 
    

    about an hour ago

    Heather W

    • Well, I have lied a lot in my past. So I totally understand you being skeptical. But I swear on everything I love my life has changed. It would mean the world to me if you wanted to be a part of my new life..if not I understand..
  • 

    54 minutes ago

    Patricia Savol

    • I have to talk to Andrew.... because your friend request and email made both of us feel uneasy... im glad, if what you say is true, that your new life is everything u say it is. But, yes... skeptical is one way of putting how I feel about you wanting to be in contact again
  • 
    

    31 minutes ago

    Heather W

    • Andrew can rest assured that my intentions aren't to be with you or anything like that...I am very happy in my relationship with trish..let me know!

20 minutes ago

Patricia Savol

• That's not even an issue... trust me.
  
  Its the fact that you have walked in and out of my life with Andrew to pick up the pieces when u decide its time to travel on. And im not the only one who gets hurt. Kathleen does as well.
  
  Andrew and I need to have her best intentions in mind.
  
  Trust me, what ever your intentions may be, my only intentions are to protect myself and my family.

While I appreciate her saying sorry, it still does not change the way I feel. And while I need to learn to let go of her abusiveness and her additions from when she and I were involved, I feel like this shouldn’t be about me, it should be about her. It should be about saying “good job” for being sober, and “Good job” for cleaning up. But because I have heard this story so many times; one part of me inside is laughing, and the other part inside of me is applauding her, like I have so many times, for getting sober. But if she is now admitting to me that she was never sober, then those applauds were wasted.

While I value Andrews opinion and suggestions above anyone else, I still would like some suggestions, some comments, because – when I see her name, I still get knots in my stomach over the way she has used me, stolen from me, and abused me over the last 3 years. Yet still, here I sit, being mindful that this is not just about me…. I need guidance from others.