Today I read someone’s post on twitter that read “Everyone has a story”…..
Its very true, of course, everyone DOES have a story. But over the years I have learned that there are some stories you just don’t share with people. And those are the ones I keep private, between Andrew and I at night while I cry myself to sleep, or during my appointments with Ginny or Kris.
But here is one story I want to share; one story I want to bring the light on to.
Back in January or February we got a DVD called “Eat, Pray, Love”. Andrew and I were going through the WORST part of our relationship, the worst. From January to April there were times I wanted to walk out and never come back, and Im sure he felt the same. There were times we didn’t speak at all, and there were times we were speaking to other people. We were finding comfort in others when we were too scared to ask for it from each other.
Anyways, I watched this movie more times then I can remember during those months. And each time I wondered what it would be like to become a Buddhist. I wondered if I could utilize the tools and skills to train my mind to not be so depressed and anxious.
Soon I was checking out my first books on Buddhism, and reading them like I used to read my Bible. Then it all came to a halt. One book said, in order to be a Buddhist you must Proclaim that Buddah (Siddhartha) if the one true God…. Nope, sorry, cant do it. I believe in my Lord and Savior, I believe Jesus died on the cross for our sins, I believe that the Lord is the one I see in my Christian or Catholic Church. I stopped reading. I changed over to books on Borderline Personality Disorder and Depression. But, it lead me back to Buddhism; “The Borderline and the Buddha”. Ok I’ll read it…
Life changing.
That’s when I decided, these people who live with two religions aren’t crazy like I assumed them were. In the book I just finished, “Blue Jean Buddha” one of the essays says if we are all serving one true God, isn’t he a God of all? Can’t he be the God who sent Jesus to the Christians, and Moses to the Jews, and Siddhartha to the Buddhist? Can’t he be the one God who loves us all, and it there for us, in any form we need for him to be?
Someone made the comment, “How can you be a Christian Buddhist?” I wanted to ask, “How can you be a Human with Religion?” Arent we taught in school that we came from Monkeys? Arents we taught in Church that Adam and Eve were the first Humans on this planet, and they were placed here by God himself, before any other creatures? Well, how do you split the two in your head?
See, I don’t split. To be, God is God, there is no difference. Those who say God tells them to do things to harm, hurt, or kill those around us are not serving God, they are serving the Devil in Gods clothing. I fear no religion, NONE, and that’s pretty hard for anyone to say after 9/11. But I do not believe any religion is responsible for killing or terror attacks.
Please think about it – the KKK killed African Americans because God says that “Whites are the supreme race” Nowhere in the bible does it mention Races, only tribes of Nations. So, isn’t the KKK using Christianity and Jesus Christ to make their terror attacks ok?
We all use and abuse religion, and religious tolerance to our own needs and liking. We form things to fit us and our needs. So how can I live a life with duel religions? Because my God has taught me love, and acceptance. He has taught me that being happy, and being able to walk in the light of day is one blessing he will never take from me. God has taught me that seeking happiness under him is not being selfish; but it is the unselfish acts and thoughts of the Buddhist that truly shows the love God wants us to have.
I have yet to visit a temple, or a meditation center, but I plan to one day soon. I am a woman of great needs, not material, but emotional and spiritual. And I will seek my God in what ever form he shows himself to me. When I prayed to God, and Jesus and my Grandmother to show me some sign, to point me in some way, so that I could stop grieving the loss of my Grandmother and our child, I saw a preview for this movie, and I watched it.
I saw a woman bow on her knees and pray to a God she had never prayed to before, and thank him for all the wonderful things he is giving us, and I saw her go through meditation, and Buddhist Practice, and grow into this person who found love on her own.
Her best line was “I don’t need to love you to prove that I love myself.” And its true. We don’t need to love others to prove that we love ourselves. We just need to love God; no matter what shape, or name he comes in, we just need to love God.
