Love is not Enough

Thats right, and it pisses me off. 

First, let me say, that there is nothing that happened between the time I was born until I had my first girlfriend that fliped the "Gay" switch on inside of me. There is no switch. God created me this way before he even placed me into my mother womb. So before you say I need to pray the gay away, maybe you should try to pray your ignorance away. 

I have a few things IW ant to say, and then this whole topic is going to be dropped for good!!

1) ANDREW IS NOT A WOMAN- he was born in the wrong body. I understand that this does not make sense to some of you, and there for your are not willing to try and understand it, but expanding your compassion and heart doesn't mean you HAVE to expand your mind. It just means that you wil soon see your way of thinking that were once "logical" will no longer make sense to you. 

2) I AM NOT A LESBIAN - I have dated men, and women. I just happened to fall in love with a MAN who was born in the wrong body. What he and I do at night is NONE OF YOUR G-D DAMN BUSINESS!!! And if your so stuck on thinking about it, then maybe YOUR the one who is scared to come out. I dont look at people and wonder how they have sex, I would appreciate it if you not look at me and mine and wonder. 

3) OUR LOVE IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS ANYONE ELSE - Dont you ever, I dont give a shit WHO you are, expect me, for one more second, to pretend that I am not in love with this Man that God gave me by my side. Dont you DARE expect me to not hug him, kiss him, or cuddle next to him just because it makes YOU uncomfortable. THIS is my damn house, this is MY life, this is MY LOVE. YOU dont get to control that. 

4) OUR LIFE IS NOT UP FOR DISCUSSION - Andrew's body parts are nto going to be a topic of choice when he is not around. If you have questions ASK HIM!!! If you want to know how I can love someone "like him", I will ask you in return how you can love someone like your spouse or s/o.

5) GOD MADE ME THIS WAY BECAUSE I AM HIS CHILD!!!!! - Don't you dare, for a second, tell me I am living my life wrong. People made3 me believegetting baptized would "wash the gay away". Are you kidding me? Worst part was I believe them! Being baptized didnt wash anything away because IW as made JUST HOW GOD WANTS ME, not how YOU want me!! There are many people in my life I wish werent born the way they were, but guess what? God made them that way for a reason - be it an asshole, bitchy, rude, or just down right mean. And there are others in my life I love and adore and wish God had created more of. Understanding, loving, and holding God's word of unconditional love to the fullest extent

6) IF YOU CANNOT ACCEPT MY LOVE THEN DO NOT COME TO MY HOUSE - If I want to kiss Andrew, I will! If I want to hug him, I WILL!! If I want to hold his hand, I WILL!! Being able to look past someones body and loving their mind doesn't mean I have to hide it if it doesnt match what Society wants. Your my FAMILY. I'm starting to wonder if anyone even knows what that means anymore. It doesnt mean to invite me over to your house for a sleep over and bonding time only for you to dismiss the relationship I have. IF YOU CANT ACCEPT US BOTH, THEN YOU CANT ACCEPT ANY OF US!!

ANDREW IS A PART OF ME, HE IS THE OTHER HALF TO MY LIFE, AND HE ALWAYS WILL BE. NO ONE IS PERFECT, NO ONE IS ASKING FOR YOU TO DATE HIM, NO ONE IS ASKING YOU TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE LIKE HIM. MY RELATIONSHIP DOES NOT INFLUENCE OTHERS TO BE GAY. IT INFLUENCES OTHERS TO BE PROUD OF WHO THEY ARE AND NOT HIDE BECAUSE THEY ARE SCARED OF WHAT THEIR PARENT MIGHT SAY. 

I love my family, but Andrew is the head of my family now, and nothing is going to change that. I am sure I will lose a lot of people over this, but im ready for that now. I was not ready for that before. We are going to exchange vows in a "commitment" Marriage Ceremony, and our true family and friends will attend. Those who dont attend because they dont "believe its right" will no longer need to worry about what is right or wrong in our life anymore. Because I will NOT life my life ot please everyone else. I will NOT worry about what every one else says. I am just as much of a right to be happy as everyone else in this world. My love is NOT hurting anyone, my love is NOT causing anyone pain or harm. My love is not whats making you uncomfortable, dig deep sweety, because there is something inside of you that is doing that, it has NOTHING to do with me. 

August 31, 2011

Lets see,...
For anyone reading this blog, there are a list of things you should know about me...

1) I stay at home as I am unable to work due to my depression and anxiety
2) due to some great doctors I am not settled on some meds that are working to help with my depression, but we have pretty much ruled that due to my past, the Anxiety and Panic attacks are just something we will have to work through.
3) I am a Christian Woman with a Buddhist soul. I believe in Jesus and what he did, but I also believe that there is only one God, and he reaches across a span of different religions. The two I have settled on, are Christianity and Buddhism.
4) I lost my Grandmother and my unborn child within 2 months of each other; My Grandmother on August 11th, 2010 and my child on September 23rd, 2010.
5) I love my family very much, and would do anything for them; even if and when they dont feel the same about me.
6) I am an old soul in a young body - I have learned many lessons, gone thought much suffering, and have come out of it still alive.
7) I am a BirthMother, but it does not define who I am. It may have helped shape me into the woman I am today, but it does not define me.
8) I have two other Children; Kathleen is 8 years old and lives with me, Alex is 7 and lives with his father.
9) I am not defined with labels, instead I am defined by actions.
10) When my Grandmother passed, I lost my best friend - point blank. She was the one I went to for everything. My mother was a very busy full time working mom, and she had 4 kids. I had many talks with my Grandmother that I had expected to have with my Mom. She became my strength.
11) Andrew is my other half - I dont use the word better, because neither of us are better than the other. He is a FTM TransGender pre-op male, and he is, for all intents and purposes, Kathleen's father.

I am who I am, and I cannot change for anyone. I only change the way God changes me. If there is someone who cannot handle the changes God places in my mind and/or heart, then I hope that they can handle the new person I am, and accept me, and my changes. But, if neither is possible, then I wish them all the luck, and if our paths cross, I will greet them with love and kindness.

So, this is me, and this is my life.

This is,
Life as ME...